I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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