I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
