i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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