new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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