Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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