do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
