i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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