Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
