I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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