So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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