I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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