Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
