P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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