ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
