i may or may not be watching the land before time
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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