is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
