fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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