So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize