Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I cockslap morals
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
