i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
