I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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