i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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