She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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