Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
