the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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