i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
