Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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