Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
