I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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