He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize