I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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