I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
