just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
