She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize