When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize