There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
