a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
