Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
