you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
