I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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