I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
