Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
where am i from again
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
