so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Found the puke drawer
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Terrible idea I love it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
