I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
