pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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