If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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