Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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