Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
