I cockslap morals
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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