Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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