I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it glows. i had to have it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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