mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize