Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
