I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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