Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
