i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
