if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize