My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
