Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
