your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
