Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
