Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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