He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
