I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize