i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
