well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
