broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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