I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
